March 2010
1 post
ON HIATUS
…until prescreening season rolls around again. In the meantime, find me at my more permanent home:
http://www.morewertzler.com
February 2010
9 posts
Don’t stop making movies because somebody hated your film. You will make short films, and many of them will be awful. But you’ll learn something valuable each time, and every film will be better than the last in one way or another.
This blog came about as the result of watching hundreds of filmmakers make the exact same mistakes over and over again. In the process, I’ve...
I can see the reflection of your camera lens and it’s only the third shot of the film. This is a problem.
Amnesia stories have been done time and time again. Show me why I should pay attention to yours over the rest.
Choose your narrators wisely if your film contains no synch sound. It’s pretty clear that your narrator’s voice would never come out of your main character’s mouth.
Wandering camerawork may identify the viewer with your apathetic protagonist, but it doesn’t justify the fact that your protagonist doesn’t care about anything.
If you’re going to use shots from Google Earth, make sure the words “trial version” aren’t, you know… there.
courtesy notebookstuff
Lowering the volume of the audio track doesn’t make it sound like it’s coming from the phone. Putting five seconds of effort into a filter makes it sound like it’s coming from the phone.
-courtesy movietvguide
You’re really not going to spellcheck your DVD cover before printing, huh?
Do not put disclaimers ahead of your film. Everything you need to say should be within the movie itself.
January 2010
11 posts
Just because your film got into Sundance doesn’t mean it’s any better than the rest of the awful shorts out there. It just means you are marketable.
Yikes. I really thought I would be in for some refreshing and pleasant surprises, but the shorts program I saw was just abysmal. Aside from the opener (Wisdom Teeth by the always great Don Hertzfeld), the films were shockingly...
I’ll be taking a short break from your awful short films this week and next to go see some (theoretically) good short films at Sundance.
Coolio once said, “If you got beef then, eat a porkchop.” But why eat a porkchop when you can just as easily submit your own beef using the button located above?
P.S. Figured out that Disqus stuff. Comments are on.
Are you a filmmaker, or just an activist with a camera? For the most effective message, try distancing yourself from the subject matter a bit. Give somebody else the reins.
An entire film designated as an “homage” is actually just a rip-off. Do something original.
Using a letter to somebody as narration for your entire film is an overused device. So please don’t.
While you may have exceptional financial resources, remember that the most important parts of your film cannot be bought. (I really hope I don’t have to spell these parts out for you.)
It appears that Tumblr has introduced some newfangled feature allowing readers to ask questions. Not sure what the point is yet, but, if it’s something you’re into then, ask away. Sample questions include:
Why is my short film so awful? What’s so wrong with monosyllabic names for all of my characters? Where’s a good burrito place around here? Just who do you think you...
Even the worst Hollywood movies attribute their critical praise quotes to somebody (Peter Travers, I’m looking at you). At least make somebody up if you’re going to put “****” on your DVD cover.
NO MORE VAMPIRES!!!
Halfway through your restaurant scene, you start with the tracking shots. It’s clear that you’re bored of your own directorial style, so why do you think an audience will be interested?
December 2009
20 posts
A black sportcoat does not make a federal agent.
Look at your timeline in your editing software. Is there an audio track that starts at the beginning, and continues—unbroken—through the very end of your movie? Get out that razor tool and chop it up. Wall to wall music is unnecessary, and hurts my ears.
Made up words in your title make me angry, not intrigued.
The string instrument loops in Garageband are not a substitute for real string instruments. Figure out another way.
I applaud your brazen use of Comic Sans MS in your credits. Way to defy good taste.
I thought the sitcom intro music was a joke, but then you kept using it.
So, let me get this straight: It’s a coming-of-age, socio-political period piece AND our protagonist is psychic?
The score for your fantasy period piece sounds way too much like The Legend of Zelda theme.
No more animated old white men as protagonists! It’s played out!
Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY, records cutesy answering machine greetings with their significant other. Stop putting it in your movie!
If the first 2 minutes of your movie is a 500-word scroll explaining backstory, you have some serious issues with storytelling that should be addressed before you ever pick up a camera again.
Explain to me how 40 minutes is considered a short film?
When your movie takes place in a dream, and there are no repercussions in the real world, nothing in your movie matters.
I understand people go through a period of intense apathy following a breakup. But this apathy does not make interesting viewing material! If I wanted to watch somebody sit on a couch, I’d put a mirror where the TV goes.
Don’t ever make me watch your trailer before your film starts to play on the screener DVD. Now I have even less desire to watch.
I see you used the music from Requiem for a Dream. Was using its plot not enough for you?
courtesy movietvguide
You can do ANYTHING in animation. Anything! So why do you follow the same model as all Pixar shorts? Show me something fresh!
Curse words have more impact when used sporadically. The first 20 seconds of your movie has 12 F-bombs. Yes, I counted, and yes, it is overkill.
Most of the awful shorts I watch have the same writer as director. Take a leap, and get someone else to direct your script. Or direct somebody else’s script. I guarantee you’ll make a better film for it.
If you had put the same amount of energy into your film as you did the closing credits, you’d have a masterpiece on your hands.
November 2009
25 posts
Did you key your green screen properly? Before you answer, keep in mind that I have eyes and they are functional.
courtesy movietvguide
I’ll be taking a break from watching your awful short films during Thanksgiving weekend. In the meantime, you can now SUBMIT your own tips for the short filmmakers of the world! And by “the world,” I mean “Tumblr.” Go to it!
I don’t care how much stubble your lead actor was able to muster— Teens in labcoats = kids playing dress-up, not scientists going about their day-to-day.
If you MUST make a calling card short, at least give it a story. It seems like you pulled a random 8 minutes from your feature script.
Research festivals before submitting your film to them. Look at the kinds of films programmed in years past. The odds of your fantasy fairy tale being accepted to the environmentally conscious doc-heavy festival are slim to none.
If even YOU have trouble giving your characters something to do in a scene, that’s a sure sign they are unnecessary!
99% of the time, child characters are a cop-out. The innocence of childhood is only naivete, not some profound world view through untainted eyes.
If it appears that the sun is literally setting inside your set, you may want to get a new cinematographer.
If 95% of your short has voice-over, make sure your narrator doesn’t have the most annoying voice in the world.